This month last year I decided. I made the choice. I took the stand not to settle for ordinary, to stop moving based off feelings a place of self-effort. It may seem so simply and maybe even small to others, but this month 2017 God made things and placed emphasize on activities in my life to me. Let me paint the picture.
I had been in a relationship with Dude on and off for 5 years, we decided to move in together as it would “benefit” both parties financially and we’re always together anyways. My mistake. There I went, Ms. BA in Social Work ready to solve and gain all resource to any issue, I seen. Fast forward to my birthday month October 2017 God was already moving and working in me making me uncomfortable in the current situation I was in since around May yet I shrugged it off “we have come this far, we can work it out” not this month God showed it to me like a movie. And it still replays for me clear as day.
I was given the opportunity to celebrate my birthday 2016 with church family as they celebrated our pastor’s birthday they included me in the celebration and song I was made to feel special, welcomed and wanted. Nothing I can truly say now looking back, that I had in my current relationship. Back to October 2017 I had a choice to make this year, God clearly stated you cannot pick both sides this time. Either you stay where you are currently. Or will you rock with me full heartedly? This year the church decided to celebrate our pastor’s birthday on my actual birthday weekend. And like a dummy I chose to stay with Dude who has never celebrated me on this day or any other. Even though my church family has. I PLACED MY HOPE IN THE WRONG THING! When word got back to me that my name was on the cake and people where looking for me. It hurt, it pierced my heart left a life changing scar I felt even smaller than before. How could I let down family that had my best interest at hand? How could I stand up friends moving in the same direction as me, and have an understanding of faith behind God’s love for each of us, Just how? What kind of person had I become? What life have I SETTLED for? This cannot be it, this cannot be my purpose! And just as expected, and yet again ignored, Dude had nothing planned for me to do that day not even a meaningful gift. That was it my mind was made up God. I’d describe this as God is stirring, his works in my life, he is coming back alive in me. I started dreaming again, it was like an awaking had happened inside of me. Sleeping Beauty, it’s time for you to wake God whispered.
From then on I vowed never to miss out again on anything especially if God is at the center. Since then things have change for the better I am no longer in that Situationship, what I thought I lost the Lord has blessed me more than double in godly friendships. Yes, I’m still waiting for my Mr. Right but I understand it’s not worth risking my peace, joy and purpose to have it right now. ‘IT” being any relationship I can muster up in self-effort. You all know where to find me this October 2018, that’s right celebrating life with the ones I love the most, my family and my friends As God continues to show himself marvelous in 2018. He is not done yet and I’m excited to see what’s in store.
Chapter 31 here I come. Happy Birthday to Me!